Ya know, it came to me just a couple of days ago that I’m in yet another Two Week Wait. This one, however, is dramatically different. I’ve reached a stage that I’ve never reached before in our pursuit of a child of our own, and I’m getting to experience new things that have never happened to me before. It’s weird, though. I’m thrilled to be pregnant, but I’m concerned about how things will turn out. I just want everything to be okay, and for my baby(!!?!) to be delivered in December, perfectly normal and disgustingly healthy.
My next appointment with Dr. S (the RE with the mostest) is on April 15th, my darling hubby’s birthday. All I know is that I’m to have an ultrasound and bloodwork. I’ll be exactly six weeks pregnant that day, and all I really, really want to see is that there is a child in my uterus. God, please let there be an embryo in the place where it’s supposed to be, safely housed within my uterus of “advanced maternal age”.
Hey, I totally get that doctors have to cover their asses and make damned sure that their patients understand the odds. They want to make sure that if there were things to (God forbid!!!) go wrong, the patient was informed that (God forbid!!!) Bad Things do happen. I really do understand. But after all of the heartbreak that F and I have experienced while trying to get me pregnant ever since 2000, after all of the tears I’ve cried, wondering when it was going to be my turn (or if it were ever going to be my turn!), I’m feeling that whole “it’s your time” thing. I can’t exactly explain it, but I have this bizarre sense of this being the Real Deal.
If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. But so far, I’m trying to enjoy the hell out of this feeling. Partying and drinking all night… not really. I’m not really even minding the bloated belly I have so far. I get a kick out of the frequent bathroom urges so far. All of the things I’m experiencing so far have been wonderful reminders that I’m pregnant. Mind you, no morning sickness as of yet, so let’s see just how chipper vamplita is after the barfing episodes. Heh. But, I will say that my mom never had morning sickness with me, her first child. That would be nice, but in a sick, twisted way, the morning sickness would also be a begrudgingly welcome thing too. It would certainly be a daily affirmation of my current condition, no?
I’d really like to see a tiny, beating heartlike structure within my uterus this next Tuesday. If that’s not too much to ask, I’d be really appreciative. Now, I know that I may not see that. It may not be possible at this stage of development to see such a fantastic sight. Still, it would be cool! But, like I said, the most important thing is making sure all is well. It’s just got to be.