Infertility Bites

Infertile, Trying to Conceive, and Forty-One Years Old – Ain't THAT a Bummer!?!

An entirely different kind of Two Week Wait April 9, 2008

Ya know, it came to me just a couple of days ago that I’m in yet another Two Week Wait.  This one, however, is dramatically different.  I’ve reached a stage that I’ve never reached before in our pursuit of a child of our own, and I’m getting to experience new things that have never happened to me before.  It’s weird, though.  I’m thrilled to be pregnant, but I’m concerned about how things will turn out.  I just want everything to be okay, and for my baby(!!?!) to be delivered in December, perfectly normal and disgustingly healthy. 

My next appointment with Dr. S (the RE with the mostest) is on April 15th, my darling hubby’s birthday.  All I know is that I’m to have an ultrasound and bloodwork.  I’ll be exactly six weeks pregnant that day, and all I really, really want to see is that there is a child in my uterus.  God, please let there be an embryo in the place where it’s supposed to be, safely housed within my uterus of “advanced maternal age”. 

Hey, I totally get that doctors have to cover their asses and make damned sure that their patients understand the odds.  They want to make sure that if there were things to (God forbid!!!) go wrong, the patient was informed that (God forbid!!!) Bad Things do happen.  I really do understand.  But after all of the heartbreak that F and I have experienced while trying to get me pregnant ever since 2000, after all of the tears I’ve cried, wondering when it was going to be my turn (or if it were ever going to be my turn!), I’m feeling that whole “it’s your time” thing.  I can’t exactly explain it, but I have this bizarre sense of this being the Real Deal.

If I’m wrong, I’m wrong.  But so far, I’m trying to enjoy the hell out of this feeling.  Partying and drinking all night… not really.  I’m not really even minding the bloated belly I have so far.  I get a kick out of the frequent bathroom urges so far.  All of the things I’m experiencing so far have been wonderful reminders that I’m pregnant.  Mind you, no morning sickness as of yet, so let’s see just how chipper vamplita is after the barfing episodes.  Heh.  But, I will say that my mom never had morning sickness with me, her first child.  That would be nice, but in a sick, twisted way, the morning sickness would also be a begrudgingly welcome thing too.  It would certainly be a daily affirmation of my current condition, no? 

I’d really like to see a tiny, beating heartlike structure within my uterus this next Tuesday.  If that’s not too much to ask, I’d be really appreciative.  Now, I know that I may not see that.  It may not be possible at this stage of development to see such a fantastic sight.  Still, it would be cool!  But, like I said, the most important thing is making sure all is well.  It’s just got to be.        

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Infertility bites, and bites HARD this time March 5, 2008

Filed under: infertility bites — vamplita @ 7:31 pm
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Went to RE today, after starting spotting last night.  I’m still not sure if it’s the dreaded Aunt Flo, or implantation bleeding.  So, I had blood drawn to be sure.  Every HPT I’ve done has been a BFN, but it would still be rather early for urine to test positive.  That’s ultimately why I decided to get the blood test done.  It’ll settle it once and for all.  I ought to know by 2PM tomorrow, but at this point, I’m not feeling very confident of my success this month.   

Dr. S, hubby, and I discussed options with either scenario.  Because I only produced one egg this past month on an increased dosage of Clomid, Dr. S and I have come to the conclusion that Clomid may not be the thing for me at my age.  (The clock is ticking, after all.)  So, what, you may ask, can we pump into vamplita’s system this next time, if there is a next time?  Dr. S said we ought to go with the Gonal-F daily injections, because she’s had good success rates with that plus IUI.  She said she wanted us to get a sample of the Gonal-F to take with us today, but in typical vamplita fashion, I forgot to get it before leaving the doctor’s office.  I did remember once I got downstairs, but when I went back upstairs, another nurse told me that they didn’t have any samples available.  As costly as this freakin’ stuff is, you better damned well believe I’m calling my regular nurse back to see when they’ll have samples available.  God, I hate that F and I forgot to get that before leaving this afternoon.  I’m so annoyed with myself that I could just kick myself for being so forgetful.  Honestly.   

F agrees that we shouldn’t continue to use the Clomid and expect different results, especially considering these factors:  

  1. I haven’t managed to develop more than one egg per month on Clomid
  2. I’ve got 40-year-old eggs that aren’t getting any younger, so we need to be more aggressive
  3. We’re swiftly running out of money and financial sources to use, so, like all infertile couples, we need to do something with a higher success rate

Y’wanna guess how much the Gonal-F costs?  Again, remember that my insurance won’t cover infertility treatments or infertility drugs.  I’d be taking 187.5 iu daily, so I’d require one pack of Gonal-F 1050 iu, and one pack of the 450 iu for a 10-day span.  Well, our local Walgreens quoted a price of $1379.99 for the 1050, and $599.99 for the 450.  I shit you not. 

The good news from today is that we found out that apparently my insurance has decided to pay for the ultrasounds, which is a Godsend.  After the balance from the several ultrasounds I’ve taken lately was put against our bill(s), we only owed $5 for today’s visit.   That was a huge relief, because we thought we were going to have to come up with about $700 today to get out the door. 

Um, have I mentioned lately how much I really hope I’m pregnant this month??

 

Take 2 – this time, with feeling! February 8, 2008

Ok, so I’m not pregnant this month.  As I said, no shock there.  I started my period the morning I was to go to the doctor.  I may not be surprised, but I am a bit bummed that it didn’t work.Dr. S met with us this past Wednesday, and we discussed our options.  I lobbied for Clomid + IUI this month.  Dr. S agreed, as did F.  Starting my Clomid tonight.  This time, I’m to take 3 pills each night (as opposed to two) during (Cycle Day 3 – Cycle Day 7) CD3-CD7.  She’s hoping this will cause more eggs to mature this cycle, instead of just the one like last month. She told me to start using the OPK on day 10, which is this Friday.  That’s also the day I go in for my ultrasound to see how many follicles have matured.  (Have I mentioned to you that these ultrasounds are $195 a pop, and that insurance is covering nada on those little gems?)  If I don’t ovulate over the weekend, I’m to inject myself with some stuff called Ovidrel that will cause me to ovulate within a certain time period following the injection.  On that Monday (or possibly Tuesday), F will have to go in and do his part by donating some swimmers into a cup.  Then I go in a couple hours later to have the procedure completed.  Please, God, please let this take.  Please let me get pregnant this month.  Please have one of F’s swimmers meet with a ready and willing egg. 

We’re also encouraged to go home following the IUI and have intercourse too, as kind of a plan to keep as many swimmers in the vicinity of the egg(s) as possible.  Call it hedging our bets, if you will.  F will probably be ready to have sex, since he can’t ejaculate for 3-5 days before donating his sample for the IUI.  If all goes well, I could conceivably be with child as early as 2-13-08.  Again, keep those fingers crossed and say a tiny prayer or two! 

I just read about another procedure called fallopian tube sperm perfusion (FSP).  That’s IUI, plus injecting about 20-30% of the washed sperm even further, into the fallopian tube as well, with a balloon inflated after insertion to ensure none of the sperm injected there swim south, back into the womb.  The patient leaves office with the balloon inflated within her for a while, then can deflate it all by herself later.  From what I’ve seen of the research, FSP seems to have a significantly higher rate of pregnancy than just IUI and shouldn’t be that much more expensive, relatively speaking.  I’ll ask Dr. S when next I see her whether or not this clinic does FSP, and if so, how much more is it cost-wise than IUI? 

IUI costs $350, unless it’s done on a weekend.  If IUI has to be done on a weekend, that’ll be an additional $50, thankyouverymuch.  I forgot to mention that previously.  F and I would definitely prefer that my OPK doesn’t show positive on a Saturday!