Infertility Bites

Infertile, Trying to Conceive, and Forty-One Years Old – Ain't THAT a Bummer!?!

Dollar Tree’s My Enabler March 28, 2008

So not only have I given in to my need obsession to POAS ever since about 6dpiui, but I’ve found a new supplier to provide them to me at a much reduced rate of…you guessed it – a dollar.  DollarTree HPTs rock if you’re trying to placate that urge to mark your territory and feel like you’re doing something semi-useful during the TWW.  It helps me satisfy my serious desire to see something, anything, while remaining much more affordable than if I were using the ones I’ve used in the past.  Yes, I’m still getting BFNs – duh! 

I’m now 10dpiui, and did my daily POAS episode on el cheapo $Tree HPT.  It’s a BFN again today.  Sigh.  Still, as long as AF doesn’t show, I’m a happy camper.  I can still hope. 

I really do know that it would’ve been highly unusual for me to see anything remotely positive before this.  Still, there’s a touch of the windmill-tilting insane optimist within the confines of my person.  Who knew??  I keep imagining that I’ll be one of those oh-so-fortunate ladies who POAS after only 8- or 9dpo and get that beloved BFP.  After all, I stand just as good a chance as any other PCOS-ridden 40-year-old, right?       

** ALERT:  mention of potentially uncomfortable subject to follow. Scoot down to the ~Change of subject~, if you desire. 

Sigh.  It’s days like today that make me really wish I didn’t work in high school.  As I was walking through the hall towards the teacher’s lounge, I happened to overhear a couple of 16-year-old girls talking.  I wish to hell I hadn’t.    One of them was telling the other one, “Man, if my mom finds out that I’m pregnant, she’ll kill me.  I going to get rid of it this weekend.  I don’t want it, anyways.” 

I have to say that I died a little inside upon hearing her annoyed comment, and not being able to spill my guts to her, about how the “thing” she wants to dispose of as if it meant nothing would mean everything to someone in my shoes.  Someone who has been trying to be blessed with her problem for nearly eight years now.  It was all I could do to not yell at her, and tell her how many couples I know of (mostly from the internet, mind you) who would love to be “burdened” with her condition, no matter how inconvenient it is.  soooo wanted to tell her of the thousands of dollars, countless hours of pure angst and devastating heartbreak that many, many people subject themselves to, all in the interest of becoming laden with the similar circumstances as she…only to never attain that lofty goal.  Or, worse yet, have nature perform a similar procedure as what this young woman was choosing to do to her own offspring.  Okay, it’s similar, as in the outcome’s the same…a precious life taken before it’s time.  But, I had to remain mute, and continue to walk away…tears blurring my vision.  Like I said, today wasn’t the best day to be a teacher of teenagers.  Ready to peruse something a little less vitriolic, yet??

~~Change of Subject~~

My follow-up appointment is this next Tuesday, April 1st.  It would be really ironic and hilarious if I got to tell F he’s going to be a daddy on April Fool’s Day.  He wouldn’t believe me this time either, I bet.  Heh. 

Back on that same day in 2005, I managed to fall while walking across the street in San Antonio.  I was in that beautiful city because I was attending an TESOL Conference.  I broke my left elbow, sprained my right arm, right elbow, and both wrists.  I know – graceful, huh?  Anyway, after going to the emergency room, and walking out with both arms in slings, I called my clueless husband to tell him, and so that we could figure out how I was going to get me, my stuff, and my manual transmission car back home ASAP. 

I’ve always been known for my Bad Timing, and this was no exception.  I called my husband right after his sister and niece had pulled a nasty April Fool’s joke on him.  I mean, he’d literally just hung up the phone with them, and was still fuming about it. 

So, here’s how that particular conversation went, with the names altered just a wee bit “to protect the innocent”:    

Me:  F?  Honey?  I have some bad news.  I was in an accident.

F:  What??  Are you okay? 

Me:  Uh, no.  I fell and broke both of my elbows. 

F:  Yeah, April Fool’s – I get it.  You’re not funny, you know.

Me:  No, I’m serious.  I really did do it, crossing the street.  I’m sitting here now, at the WalMart Pharmacy, waiting for my pain pills. 

F:  Seriously, vamplita, it’s not funny.  I’m not buying it, so knock it off, already. 

Me:  I know it’s not funny, F.  I wouldn’t kid about this.  I’m serious as a heart attack.  I need you to come get me. 

F:  That’s not funny, damn it!  vamplita, you’d better not be screwing with me.  If I find out you’re lying to me, I swear, I’ll break your arms myself. 

He then proceeded to tell me of how our niece had called him, pretending to be pregnant, and that his sister confirmed what our niece had told him.  They had him completely convinced that it was true, and after about 25 minutes of him trying to console his supposedly-distraught sister, they finally told him it was a joke.  As soon as he got off that call, more than a little pissed about his own family being so cruel to him, I called with this news.  Small wonder he thought I was trying to pull his leg again.

So, it would be more than amusing for me to try to break the news of a pregnancy to him on that day, of all days.  God, I hope I get to!!      



The Countdown’s On March 3, 2008

Yup, the home stretch of the ever-famous Two Week Wait.  Merely 72 hours left before it’s been 14 days past ovulation (aka 14dpo) and our IUI.  So now, the question (still) remains (Thank God!)… is vamplita going to be a mommy this month?  Is she pregnant with a baby vamplita or a replica of her beloved F?  So far, the jury’s still out. 

 I plan to go this afternoon to a dollar store and buy some cheapie home pregnancy tests (HPTs).  Then I won’t feel quite as wasteful if I go ahead and pee on a stick (POAS) prior to 14dpo.  I’ve been experiencing bizarre things within the past couple of days.  Either they’re weird things that have happened previously before Aunt Flo (AF) showed up that I never noticed before, or something (God, I hope it’s this option!) may be going on in Uterusville.  It’s kind of hard for me to say – I’ve been much more observant of my body lately, and it’s difficult to just chalk this up to one thing or another. 

I know, there are many of you who probably think that it’s ridiculous for me to all of a sudden be more observant of what’s happening with my body and its reproductive efforts.  In my own defense, I’ll remind you that I have PCOS, which for me meant that I charted ad nauseum and never saw anything that even came close to resembling a normal cycle.  We’re talking months and months without so much as a hiccup in temperature, folks.  I’d use Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) with 20 strips in it without so much as a trace of color change.  No double line ever existed.  (The funny thing was that on the outside of the box, it states that this kit is for any cycle length.  What a complete and total joke.  Oh sure, it’s for any cycle length if you’re not a total freak of nature female unfortunate enough to suffer from PCOS, thankyouverymuch.  But I digress.)  Small wonder that I got to the point where I didn’t notice anything – for ages, nothing was happening to notice. 

So now, I get a tiny pain and think, “hmmm…”  Or, I feel warmer than what I think I ought to and think, “Okay, that’s weird.”  I just generally feel like my lower belly’s a bit larger yet firmer than usual (which is saying something), and comment to myself, “Well, that’s interesting.”  Plus, I feel like I’ve had to pee more often than usual.  But, again, as I said, I could just be noticing things that have always happened that didn’t stick out in my mind until now, when I’m waiting to see if our lives are going to be forever altered.  Damn, just noticed my nipples are currently sore, too.  lol. 

I stumbled upon some really interesting information this weekend.  There’s a bill called the Family Building Act of 2007, HR 2892, that was sent to some subcommittee or other back in September of 2007.  It mandates that insurance companies and group policies would be required to provide infertility insurance.  That would be such a Godsend for countless infertile couples across the US, myself and F amongst them. 

We live in a state that is very  assinine backwards  reluctant to resolve this issue.  The legislators of Texas, in their shortsightedness, mandated that the insurance companies offer the infertility insurance to groups and employers as an option.  Notice the difference between the proposed federal bill and this sorry excuse for legislation Texas law?  Gee, just how many employers and purchasers of group policies do you think actually do the right thing and choose to provide infertility insurance for its policy holders??  Few, my friends; very few. 

They’re all about saving that Almighty Dollar, doncha know.  Never mind that they’re not doing what’s morally right.  Oh well – as long as everyone with the insurance policy isn’t out an additional thirty-or-so dollars for their policies per year, I guess that’s the best thing.  Why should they pay for someone else’s problems, after all???  It’s not like having a child is something vital to a woman’s existence, after all.  Of course, I could say the same thing for men who take Viagra, and their insurance helps to pay for it, couldn’t I?  Nah, men need to get their rocks off.  It’s part of who they are, right?  After all, what good is a man who can’t get an erection that lasts for several hours, huh?   I suppose I’m just being selfish. 

 If anyone within the US reads this, I’d really appreciate it if you emailed your congressmen, to request they pass HR 2892, and give infertile couples at least a chance to become parents without facing financial ruin.  Email your state representatives and senators…let them know you are interested in getting similar legislation passed in your state in the meantime.  Or, if you’re fortunate to live in any of the 12 states that have already passed this legislation, contact your legislators and tell them how splendid that law is!!  Anywho… I’ll shut up for now. 

If you’re interested in reading HR 2892, here it is:
I visited GoPetition and found the following page about HR 2892 very interesting: