Infertility Bites

Infertile, Trying to Conceive, and Forty-One Years Old – Ain't THAT a Bummer!?!

Guess what bites harder than infertility?? *WARNING – not good news* May 2, 2008

I honestly don’t know what to say.  F and I went to my RE appointment on April 23rd for another ultrasound.  We were expecting to see a heartbeat and hear good news.  We ended up being 1 for 2.  According to Dr. S, the baby only measured at 6w0d, which as you may or may not know, is one week behind where (s)he ought to be at 7weeks, one day.  She did see a faint heartbeat, which she showed us.  But, the fact that the baby only did two days worth of development in eight days is most definitely not a Good Thing.  In fact, it’s pretty effing bad.    

She told us that, given the baby’s slow development, and my – wait for it – advanced maternal age, there was a good chance that I’d miscarry.  I was scheduled to go back the next Wednesday, April 30th, to see what was happening, and, as Dr. S said, “we’d take it from there”.  I was sincerely hoping our little one just wasn’t feeling particularly sociable, and (s)he was just at a weird angle, so the measurements were off.  However, Dr. S couldn’t hear the baby’s heartbeat on doppler, either.  Sigh. 

Our first OB appointment was scheduled for May 2nd, today.  Depending upon what happened at the next RE appointment, I’d either keep the appointment, or have to cancel it.  I was really, really hoping we didn’t have to cancel. 

I managed to not cry until Dr. S left us while I got dressed.  F and I held each other, while he kept telling me not to give up yet.  “Not yet, honey…there’s still a chance.”

Dr. S told us that there was a good chance that I would miscarry, and it appears that she was right.  I had the followup appointment this past Wednesday, April 30th, and there wasn’t a heartbeat visible or audible this time.  Our dreams of a December baby (or any baby) aren’t meant to be for this year. 

I’ve decided to stop taking my vaginal inserts of progesterone, wait, and let nature take its course, as difficult as that will be.  I don’t prefer it by any means…who could prefer any thing when miscarriage is the subject???  But, I know that would be better on my body than having a D&C.  Still, I’ve also decided to set a time limit on this waiting period, because there comes a point when mental health is at-risk after a while, ya know??  One has to consider the trade-off involved of body health vs. going out of my rabbit-ass mind while waiting being on BloodWatch 2008.  Two weeks sounded appro pos to me, considering how many two-week-waits I’ve had during this journey that is my life as an infertile woman. 

I’ll stop now.  I’m fricking bummed as it is. 



11 Responses to “Guess what bites harder than infertility?? *WARNING – not good news*”

  1. Waiting Says:

    I’m so incredibly sorry. This is not fair. I’m here to listen always. Hug to you.

  2. Erin Says:

    Shit… I’m so sorry. 😦

  3. mrs spock Says:

    I am so sorry…that is crappy news!

  4. There are no words to express how sorry I am. Thinking of you and sending LOTS of HUGS your way.

  5. I am so very sorry. I got the same news on Friday and am waiting for the “natural miscarriage” to occur. Eight years and three dead babies. How the hell do we breathe?

  6. kimbosue Says:

    Oh, I am so sorrry Vamplita! I will keep you in my prayers as you go through this next longest ever 2WW.

    2009 Babies are Ours!

  7. Mel Says:

    Honey, I am so unbelievably sorry to hear this news. 😦
    There are no words, but know that I am sending hugs your way.

  8. geohde Says:

    Shit. I’m so sorry.

    I won’t offend you with all the ‘nature’s way’ and ‘you can try again’ platitudes that I’m sure someone outside of the IF sphere will inflict on you, because we both know how hard this is….

    Thinking of you,


  9. whataboutmyeggs Says:

    I am soo sorry for you and F. I know what a hard time this can be. Sending you lots of hugs.

  10. Lainey-Paney Says:

    I am so very sorry. We lost a baby during pregnancy last July. It’s….well, it’s just horrible. I am so sorry you are going through this.

  11. Susan Says:

    I just lost my first at 19 weeks this past Saturday. The baby was removed through induced natural childbirth which made the whole situation even more heartbreaking. I’m now a mother but your are right about what do you say to people who ask if you have any children. Nobody wants to be a Debbie Downer. It so early that I’m not sure how I will handle the situation.

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