Infertility Bites

Infertile, Trying to Conceive, and Forty-One Years Old – Ain't THAT a Bummer!?!

All’s well April 16, 2008

We got to see our tiny Lollipop yesterday, and I’m pleased to announce that (s)he was at least in the right location.  Dr. S said that there was a definite gestational sac, a yolk sac, and a fetal pole that she saw.  She said she wasn’t prepared to say officially that she saw a heartbeat, but that if she “closed one eye, looked really hard, and imagined just as hard”, she might see a faint heartbeat.  She said that (s)he measured at 5w5d, which was a bit small for what we had determined as 6w0d, but she said it didn’t really surprise or concern her.

I asked her for some OB recommendations, and she was more than happy to provide a few.  I’ve always told myself that if I ever got pregnant, I was going to have my baby at Woman’s Hospital of Texas.  I really like the fact that they have a neonatologist on staff 24-7, along with an OB, and an anesthesiologist.  Not only are they available 24 hours a day, these are doctors who have been in their profession for many years… in other words, they aren’t a sea of residents, who may or may not be as familiar with a situation such as mine.  Their NICU is top-notch, if (God forbid!!) something were to happen for the baby to require that type of accommodation. 

My husband wasn’t as eager for me to go there to have the baby.  The hospital’s about 25 minutes away, and (bless him) he’s concerned that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the hospital in time if I were to go into labor while he was at work, and potentially hundreds of miles away.  I had the doctor explain to him about why this hospital is so good, and that most first pregnancy labors were far from quick, so I’d have plenty of time to get there if I had to get there on my own.  Yay, Dr. S!! 

I asked her if she would consider my pregnancy to be high-risk for any reason.  She said that no, she didn’t think there was a reason for me to be high-risk at this time.  I have very few restrictions – no rollerskating, no horseback riding, and no climbing stuff, which totally screws up my plans for this next weekend!!  I had plans to climb onto a rollerskating horse and possibly a bit of skydiving.  Oh well.  At least there’s still skydiving.   

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An entirely different kind of Two Week Wait April 9, 2008

Ya know, it came to me just a couple of days ago that I’m in yet another Two Week Wait.  This one, however, is dramatically different.  I’ve reached a stage that I’ve never reached before in our pursuit of a child of our own, and I’m getting to experience new things that have never happened to me before.  It’s weird, though.  I’m thrilled to be pregnant, but I’m concerned about how things will turn out.  I just want everything to be okay, and for my baby(!!?!) to be delivered in December, perfectly normal and disgustingly healthy. 

My next appointment with Dr. S (the RE with the mostest) is on April 15th, my darling hubby’s birthday.  All I know is that I’m to have an ultrasound and bloodwork.  I’ll be exactly six weeks pregnant that day, and all I really, really want to see is that there is a child in my uterus.  God, please let there be an embryo in the place where it’s supposed to be, safely housed within my uterus of “advanced maternal age”. 

Hey, I totally get that doctors have to cover their asses and make damned sure that their patients understand the odds.  They want to make sure that if there were things to (God forbid!!!) go wrong, the patient was informed that (God forbid!!!) Bad Things do happen.  I really do understand.  But after all of the heartbreak that F and I have experienced while trying to get me pregnant ever since 2000, after all of the tears I’ve cried, wondering when it was going to be my turn (or if it were ever going to be my turn!), I’m feeling that whole “it’s your time” thing.  I can’t exactly explain it, but I have this bizarre sense of this being the Real Deal.

If I’m wrong, I’m wrong.  But so far, I’m trying to enjoy the hell out of this feeling.  Partying and drinking all night… not really.  I’m not really even minding the bloated belly I have so far.  I get a kick out of the frequent bathroom urges so far.  All of the things I’m experiencing so far have been wonderful reminders that I’m pregnant.  Mind you, no morning sickness as of yet, so let’s see just how chipper vamplita is after the barfing episodes.  Heh.  But, I will say that my mom never had morning sickness with me, her first child.  That would be nice, but in a sick, twisted way, the morning sickness would also be a begrudgingly welcome thing too.  It would certainly be a daily affirmation of my current condition, no? 

I’d really like to see a tiny, beating heartlike structure within my uterus this next Tuesday.  If that’s not too much to ask, I’d be really appreciative.  Now, I know that I may not see that.  It may not be possible at this stage of development to see such a fantastic sight.  Still, it would be cool!  But, like I said, the most important thing is making sure all is well.  It’s just got to be.        

 

Very Happy to Report April 3, 2008

My 1st hCG quantity was 81, which is right where it needed to be.  The second one, however, simply blew me away.  All this morning on the way to the lab to get the bloodwork, I kept talking to my baby(!!?!), telling it that I wanted a high number, at least double of the original amount. 

Apparently, the baby’s an overachiever like its mama.  When the nurse called with the results, they were a very impressive 204.  I had to wipe the tears from my eyes, I was so happy to hear that!  Passed with flying colors!  I can hardly wait until school’s out, so I can tell my baby how proud I am of it breezing by the first of many tests it has to ace throughout its life.

 F and I still haven’t really fully grasped the fact that we’re going to be parents.  My brain keeps repeating over and over that I’m pregnant, and I’m hoping that the message starts to trickle into my psyche soon.  I think the process has begun. 

It’s funny, but I already think of the baby as a she.  I’ll tell you why, and you may take it as you will.  My sister and I seem to have the occasional psychic vibe about things.  Months ago, she not only dreamed about me (finally) getting pregnant, but she also dreamed that I had a little girl.  She’s correctly predicted the sex of four babies in our family, again months before they were born. 

I had a very, very vivid dream the morning of April Fool’s Day.  I dreamed that I was pregnant.  That’s why I was the tiniest bit surprised when I got the BFN that morning.  The dream was the kind of dream I get when it’s a kind of psychic/predictive dream, which meant that I remembered a heck of a lot more of it than I usually do.  Most dreams I have I promptly forget, but those kinds of dreams I tend to recall later, when the events occur.  Strange I know, but it’s true.             

 

Ahem… April 1, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy rules!,pregnant hopes and dreams — vamplita @ 11:09 pm
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Woke up this morning and did my usual pee-on-a-stick routine.  Same result as before – big, fat negative.  About two hours before I saw my RE, I gave in to my urge and did it again this afternoon, on one of my more expensive tests.  positivepositivepositivepositive!!! 

 Now, mind you, it was super-duper faint, but it was there!  I ran to get my camera phone, and took the pic.  I tried in my freaked-out state to send the pic to my sister for verification, and of course, the phone wouldn’t forward it.  So, I gscrambled madly about my not-so-tidy house, got my digital camera and took some pics.  They weren’t quality pics, by any means…hell, my hands were shaking so badly, I couldn’t keep the image I wanted in the viewfinder.  I forwarded those grainy, dark photos to my sister, and she said she could see it too.  🙂 

I then decided to use the last of my pricier tests about 25 minutes later, with a different urine sample.  Again, a faint, faint line.  I still can’t believe it.

I went to the RE, and during our appointment, I showed her the pic from my camera phone.  She said, “Yep, it’s a positive.”  She and I both marveled at the fact that it happened with only one mature follicle.  And, as she says, at my age.  It’s not like the odds were greatly in our favor.  

I still had the bloodwork done, for a starting beta, and I’m to go back this Friday, for my 2nd beta.  Then, on April 15th, I’m to go for an ultrasound.  God, I’m jazzed!  My RE estimates that the EDD is December 9th.  Unbefrickinglieveable. 

I couldn’t tell F on the phone, so I waited until I got home with dinner.  I’d bought a bottle at the pharmacy downstairs from the RE’s office, and while F was getting plates, I set the bottle on the table where he was going to sit.  (I’d actually had the presence of mind to charge up the video camera while I was at the RE’s office, so I was ready.) 

He’s very, very happy, but surprised that we found out this soon.  I get the official results tomorrow, and I can hardly wait!  I’ll be sure to call him tomorrow as soon as I know the results. 

We told my parents, his parents, my sister, and a close cousin of mine, all who knew that we were trying to conceive.  The general concensus was that it was the best news they’d heard in a long time.  I tend to agree. 

 Please, please keep your fingers crossed that all is well, beta-wise.  We need this embryo to stick, grow, be healthy, and stay put for at least 250 days! 

More later – I’m heading to bed.